This time of year, many people are busy making lists of all kinds. Lists for presents they want, presents to buy still, recipes to get, groceries they need for the assortment of baking they will be doing.

 

If you are single, and ready to find a lifelong partner, I am going to suggest you make another list. Possibly the most important list you will make this year! What will attract your perfect partner to you? What are the most important things you need in a partner? What are the things you simply cannot have in a partner? You may only have a few things on your list, or you may have many. It is best to make your list before you get “love struck” and your brain releases an irresistible cocktail of chemicals that entice us to fall in love. If you stick to your must haves and must not haves, you could end up saving yourself much heartache in the future. Here is a list of the most common must haves and must not haves that I come across as a matchmaker:

He/She must:

Be active; Enjoy their own interests; Enjoy their work/life; Have a positive outlook; Be fun; Have a good sense of humor; Be financially stable; Have hopes and dreams

He/She must not:

Smoke; Be obese; Poor grooming; Drug use; Couch potatoe; Still harbor resentment toward past relationships

 

There are many more, but each person’s experiences shapes what they are looking for in a mate. The idea is not to be nit picky, or inflexible, but rather be clear on the things you can tolerate or not tolerate in a relationship.

 

Next, what do you have to offer your ideal mate? Why will they fall in love with you? This is the hardest part for my clients to answer. We usually just focus on what we are getting, not what we are giving. By first realizing what we bring to the table, we can then hopefully realize whether or not we are asking for too much. To give you an example, here is one client’s list of what they have to offer a great relationship:

 

"I am loving and caring; friendly, welcoming, fun. I never ask for more than I am willing to give. Sensitive to other’s needs. Willing to do the work required to establish and maintain a healthy and fun relationship. I am positive and happy. I am financially responsible. I maintain a good personal/work/life balance. I am open to trying new activities."

 

Enjoy your time off this holiday season with family and friends, and don’t forget to take time for yourself. If you are fortunate enough to be in a loving relationship, appreciate them and love the one you're with!